Exactly one week ago, I was on my way back home from a retreat. I was there to be a guide to teens one year younger than me, since they were about to have the confirmation, the catholic church type of confirmation. One of the main reasons i went there is because it’s the best way to getaway. There you live in the present. I never, even for a second stressed about school, I knew that I would need to do lots of homework when i got back, but I just wouldn't think about it. And even though it’s sometimes good to have some sort of plan it’s also sometimes best to let things flow.
I wanted to change things around a bit in my life. We have always been familiar with the phrase “you crossed the line”. Now I think, what happens if the line crosses YOU? When you find yourself wrapped up in a situation that you never asked for, when life surprises you and tells you that you CAN’T control a thing. We constantly seek to DO something, and maneuver life, so it can fit our boundaries. Though, truth is that many things won’t fall into our boundaries. Now you may be thinking, what can I do? Bring your mind to a halt. Allow life to unfold, what if we eliminate that constant stress, that pushes and pulls our brains, that stress that keeps telling us to make things happen a certain way? Life is unpredictable and bigger than us, we can only know about the past. What if we let moments follow through without any expectation or clinginess, and remain open to surprise? In Lima’s high class society everything needs to be perfect, and you need to constantly fit in, being aware of yourself the whole time. I need to get the perfect grade in the math test, if not i won’t get into a prestigious college, I need to go out this weekend or else people will think I am a loser. This is are thoughts I have heard people say, because of the pressure to fit in this society creates. The problem is that we are full of ideas and projections about how things should be; how people should act, how things should work, and how things should look. Our minds are full of this so -called perfectionism, that leaves no space for newness, and surprises There is no space for fun, inner fun. The kind of fun we should be having every day just as we wake up, because of the fact that we are alive in the present moment, because life is supposed to be exciting, thrilling. Not just plain routine. We don’t see it anymore since we live so attached to our thoughts and expectations, and suffer because of them. It’s even exhausting to think of it. Of course, it’s important to have goals and direction, but you can still be fascinated with the present moment. Trust life a little more, inject your veins with a little more faith, and become aware that life chose that fork on the road because you were meant to. Create that space inside your brain for the unknown and let go of expectation. Lose all your fears and neediness. Stop worrying about insignificant details, like a simple grade or outfit, stop being that obsessive planner and perfectionist. And when we finally let go of perfectionism, we’ll finally start living life as it’s supposed to be.
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Since we are kids we’ve been introduced to the idea of good and bad, right and wrong. When we sat down to watch cartoons or fairy tales, there was always a villain, the bad, who tried to overpower the hero, the good. We have been presented with so many forms of this duality, that we start believing it. We tend to live in a black and white world. About two weeks ago I was brainstorming ideas for my IA project, something that I had been keeping in the back of my head for days now. So many thoughts were running through my mind, that it drove me crazy, creating a chaotic state of mind within me. The project I would come up with couldn’t be too challenging, trying to stay within my comfort zone. Was I playing the game? No, I wanted to say, but I knew, yes was the right answer. We are constantly trying to seek pleasure and avoid pain at all costs. Wanting to be comfortable, we are kept in the constant push and pull between desire for pleasure and avoidance of pain; we restrict ourselves to see only two shades, avoiding everything else. Missing all the color and potential that exists in between those two colors. There is a spectrum of colors in our minds, we have the potential to see life through different colored glasses. We can interpret it an infinite number of ways. Eventually, our minds have the power to color everything. WE have the choice to make our experiences the way we want them to be. WE have the power to choose how to view them. That way we choose how we want to do in life, allowing us to achieve any goal that we set out to accomplish. It depends if you look through the right pair of glasses and what hue you’re coloring them with-light or dark. When you stop fearing that pain and inconvenience, start releasing the pleasure and comfort, and are willing to go through challenges and out of your zone, that’s when the world isn’t in grayscale anymore, and you’ll start seeing new colors. Suddenly, you can see things in ways you’ve never seen them before. Remember, the moment we engage with a specific thought, it becomes integrated within us. So don’t get trapped in the black and white; don’t get fixated with duality. A life dedicated only to that is a flat, boring and comfortable one. You have the ultimate choice to let a thought into your mind or keep it out, control it and redirect it to the spectrum of colors and challenges. Duality. The existence of two characters or different phenomena in the same person or thing. This was the main topic.
Currently, in spanish class, my peers and I are reading “La vida es sueño” by Pedro Calderon de la Barca. We were divided into two groups. Each needed to create a powerpoint analysing every aspect of the novel; from characters, to message, all the way to vocabulary. My assigned slide talked about the main idea: Duality. The plot unfolds in an elevated tower where Segismundo has lived all his life. This is due to the fact that his father consulted an astronomer when he was born, Segismundo fate was determined to bring much chaos and destruction to the kingdom and people. All he wishes for is seeing the outside world, constantly comparing himself to the animals and rivers, which have more freedom than him. The philosophy of the book tells that your destiny is written in the stars, And so the Segismundo finally gets to see the outside world. When he finally becomes part of the civilization he acts like a savage, making the astronomers prediction true. At the end of the story he learns about values and forgives his father. Duality in Segismundo is presented as the fight between freedom and destiny; the civilization and his barbarism. Most times, authors write with purpose. Harper Lee wanted to express that every human being deserves to be treated with dignity. Fitzgerald wanted to express that the American dream is illusory. Miguel de Cervantes wanted to express that even if you fail you should always stand up again. But what did Calderon de la Barca want to express? Perhaps, that we should find the duality in all of us? But… what were two things, realities, phenomenons inside me that were fighting against each other, not letting one surface. So I started seeking for my “duality”. What was something that I have always wanted to obtain, but something inside me impede it? After some analysis, I concluded that my ambition and my fear impede me from reaching goals my ambitious personality creates. Even though I don’t seem as a very ambitious person, I day dream day and night about my future plans and objectives. For example, one of my goals is to be able to travel whenever I want with no complications, that means being my own boss and having sufficient money. You are not able to see a kind of progress or determination of this due to fear. I know fear is an overused subject it is something that somehow always haunts me. You see, every time I imagine myself in the place I want to be when I grow up I instantly start thinking about the steps in order to get there. But then I start questioning what if when taking the next step I fall over? Better not follow that I say afraid that I might fail. This is similar to those nightmares that you keep on having about the same thing so you try to figure out where they come from. Again, I decided to keep analyzing, to reach a new conclusion again, which was that this fear was mostly induced by society. Because society is messed up. Another example, if you’d want to be a musician and be successful, society tells us that it’s hard to make lots of money and stand out, it is written and said everywhere. Then you hear about people’s stories, but those are one in a million you think, it’s too easy to fail. But, what if you are that one in a million, why not? If you get up every time you fall because being on the ground is just temporary if you say so. Over the summer I´ve been reading “7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens”, as you already know, if you have read my previous blog post. After reading some chapters I decided to see what my peers thought about the book. So far, I felt that the book was okay but only had read about three chapters.
Two types of answers were the result of my “book survey”, both answers a bit extremist. It either was “It was soooo good! I actually like it!” or “This the most clichéd book I´ve read, literally everything in here I have heard.” I believe that in the process of reading the book or any self-help book and finishing them, people develop a perspective about the book, kind of like a personality. In which there are two types, the negative one and the positive one. Now… I started to wonder which of these perspectives towards the book would be mine. Deciding to skip to part two I started reading again, six pages in and I was just soooooo freaking bored it was like I was reading a children´s book. Million examples filled pages to explain an idea that was said in ONE sentence. I realized I had a negative perspective, though more of a realistic one, when I think about it. Though I gave this book a second chance, maybe it was the chapter or I wasn´t in the mood to read. After reading some pages I realized it was the book not me. Going deeper into the book and to the “why” of this negativity, I decided to list the reasons why this book was so torturing to read. 1. The “solutions” or “baby steps” Covey suggests are utterly unrealistic. One example is “Before you go to bed tonight, write a simple message of apology to someone you may have offended”. By the time you´re going to sleep you´ll forget all baby steps, including this one, plus no teenager would ever do this. Or nobody is going to take like an hour to do a list of things to make a goal that most probably will leave aside and forget about it. This and other suggestions are just stupid and things that no one will ever do. He is just too optimistic and takes everything as unicorns and rainbows. His solutions are too simplistic and out of common sense to problems that are often more complicated. 2. The anecdotes and the cartoons, oh I wanted to kill myself. They just add more pages to the book. The cartoons are poor attempts at humor or a proxy for that teacher who tries to act young to get on the kid´s good side. While a habit can take up to 48 pages they could have easily been explained in two pages and the whole book in 20 pages. I can´t think of anything less productive than to read a book of 265 pages about how to be productive. 3. EVERYTHING I repeat, EVERYTHING he says hasn´t already been said. “Begin with the end in mind” or another way of saying, “Set goals”. “Seek first to understand then to be understood” or another version of “Be open-minded, listen to others first”. Though they are presented in a fresher way they feel like the posters that perhaps are in your room telling you to follow your dreams, things that you always hear but never actually pay attention to. I would recommend this book to people that see the world though rose-colored glasses and have no common sense. Every morning on school days I have the same exact routine.
6:30 - Alarm clock goes off, hit snooze and go back to sleep. 6:45 - Wake up 6:50 - Have cereal 6:55 - Wash face, brush teeth, go to bathroom 7:05 - Prepare my backpack 7:10 - Go downstairs and get into car 7:35 - Arrive to school 8:00 - Start school 3:20 - Finish school Now… if ANYTHING here goes wrong then we have a problem. Let me illustrate one example for you. I got to the kitchen, served some cereal on a bowl, reached for the milk and turned it upside down. I inhaled deeply, my eyes exposed to this horrific event opened widely, my teeth clenched. “Lali! Why didn't you buy another milk carton, now I can't have breakfast!” I said while leaving the kitchen irritated. I turned my direction to the bathroom door and tried to open it. LOCKED. “Hurry!” I shouted to my sister while banging on the door. “Just a minute”. Ten minutes go past and I started to get irritated again, and I banged on the door harder. My sister finally goes out. “You always take forever.” I said and shut the door loudly behind me. Everything went well until school started. I opened my laptop, signed-in to managebac, and scrolled down. BAM, there it was an 6/8 on my P.E. test. Seriously? I was sure I had gotten all the test answers right, I had studied all night! My P.E. teacher never gives me the grade I deserve! As I was reading “7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens” by Sean Covey, I came across this “Growing up in my home was at times a big pain. Why? Because my dad always made me take responsibility for everything in my life.” So I started think about my daily life to see if this quote was something that I could implement in it. Soon enough I noticed a pattern, I actually did always blame everything on others, when I was either disappointed, angry, or annoyed. The book kept telling me that I was responsible for my life. Habit one states “I am the force. I am the captain of my life. I can choose my attitude. I´m responsible for my own happiness or unhappiness. I am in the driver's seat of my destiny, not just a passenger.” This was certainly something that I didn't want to accept. Because that means that I need to change, not my sister, not my maid, not the annoying taxi driver, but me, myself, and I. And that my friends, scares the sh*t out of me. The same reason why it scares me to have to change is the same reason of why I do it first place. You see I really don't like change. This is because change means that there is a wildcard in play, you don´t know what will happen next and I start playing the “what if?” game. And usually I ask “What if I fail?”. The thing is that the fear of the unknown, the fear of failure is what impedes me from making positive changes about myself. And while I use all my energy and focus making up the worst case scenarios, why not imagine the best ones. Whatever happens, you will always be presented with new opportunities. After reading ahead, I learned that if I wanted to change I needed to go from a reactive person to a proactive person. To replace the whining for a deep breath and to replace the thoughts of “She ruined my day” to “Don´t let this get to you”. And slowly turn it into a habit, a habit of being a proactive person. Abraham Lincoln described it perfectly “People are just about as happy as they make up their mind to be”. Remember you are the force, not anyone else. Halloween is just around the corner! You have TV channels filled with horror movies, houses decorated with skeletons and spiders, and children dressed as the scariest monsters. But what haunts YOU the most?
Seeing it as my perspective what I dread most are just three innocuous letters that tend to follow a question, and though their simplicity may hide the real meaning, my heart starts speeding every time I read them combined: WHY? when I hear this, I think of different implications it has: justify your answer, explain your answer and If so, why. Now you have three options to either avoid or confront the why. Most time the laziness would overpower coming up with the popular and typical response of “I don't know”. Which obviously is the easiest way to go. Still, there's a catch, since people will push you to think, I will come back later to talk about that. Then you could disagree to agree, or agree to agree. But, there's yet another catch; this only works with one type of question: If yes/no why? Then going back to a previous option you would need to think. Oh no thinking?!, I'm too lazy to think right now, but this time you can´t escape with the “I don't know”. So you think and think and think but still your mind goes blank , too much thinking or too little thinking. And as you try to delve deep into the concept but perhaps feel like you'll drown because you have been too much time underwater. And as you come up to breath some fresh air, you realize you don't understand it well enough. So you think and think and think, but you still can´t get the answer you need. So… you get frustrated. Frustration takes over your body and blinds you from thinking because this one time you don't have answer, a good answer, a right answer as you always have to have. You tried to disagree to agree and agree to agree, and convincing other that you don´t know the answer. And because you really don´t have it, you torment yourself perhaps coming to the theory that your are too dumb to know, that you don´t know how to explain yourself which can seem so easy because if you know the answer you should be able to explain it. And you always have it, but this time you don´t. And it frustrates you that you don´t. You´re not only frustrated but afraid. You can´t get that answer, you can´t explain yourself because you're afraid of the implications behind it, you may find out it is wrong or not something you expected. Either the why behind a math problem or the tear that just fell from your eye. You cheat on yourself by saying that what you said is right so you won't have to see the why behind it. Sometimes you need to break that thin shell made up from lies and fake reassurances to see what it has been protecting, making yourself vulnerable and open to explore because it´s hard to explain but the best thing you can do is not to be false and learn from yourself. Everytime I roamed through the hospital's halls, my look instantly shifted towards the floor. A group of Roosevelt students walking, “pitucos” surely the people surrounding us think, as we passed by, our shoulders almost rub against each other. We would certainly stand out in that type of a crowd, even more with the bright colored bags filled with toys. As we arrived to the second floor in Cayetano Heredia, I could already feel a joyful atmosphere coming ahead. When we arrived all the ill children faces lighted up - we had brought gifts for them. It resulted that a friend had forgotten some gifts for a kid named Caleb. Though since another kid, Paolo, was in a surgery we decided to give his gifts to Caleb. Every kid was in ecstasy, then suddenly Paolo arrived. When he got to his bed and all the IV's were plugged in, he looked to the right. There was Caleb with all Paolo´s gifts. The weary looking face turned into an indignant face, everything Paolo had asked, had almost ripped out of his hands and given to Caleb. He took his IV and started shouting with envy. “Calm down!” begged his mother, nothing. As Paolo reached for Caleb´s gifts his mother gripped him and pulled him back to restrain him; the mood became tense. It was now an argument between the mother and his child, not only did I hear screaming but slaps that were exchanged. After all the chaos was over, another girl rolled in with her wheelchair to the room. We had some gifts left, so we decided to give them to her. A hot pink and orange microphone toy was handed to her. As soon as she turned it on, she started singing “Let it go”, as loud as she could with a smile written across her face. It was like the shadow that I thought that had fallen on her happiness, from being in a hospital was now pure sunshine. If these kids taught me one thing it would be to appreciate everything I have now; not only material things but the love and care I get from others. I could see that Paolo´s early childhood had been full with violence probably originated at home. As I saw the mother hit her child I thought that this event would never become present in my life. Firstly because I had good health care and because I have always been surrounded by people who love me, I am not saying that their is no unconditional love from this mother though, it doesn't look like she cares that much about him. The people that surround you have values, which reflect on yours. I observed when Paolo didn't take the situation in a calmy manner and hit his mother back. This made me become aware of how fortunate I was to have proper role models in my life that help me become a better person and take care of me. Before, this visit we had planned to bring a bag full of gifts to the kids in the hospital. We assumed that by bringing them that, we would also bring huge amounts of happiness and entertainment. After analyzing the story I could conclude that we were a bit wrong. The children got overwhelmed, they had never been given that much things. Except for the last girl to receive the gifts, other kids had supplies, books, barbies, games and she only received a microphone toy. Though as soon as we gave it to her, she demonstrated an unimaginable joy and pleasure as her singing filled the room. She revealed great thankfulness and appreciation for the gift. While we are at our homes complaining about the internet not working and not being able to see your favorite TV show on Netflix think that other kids, which are even in the hospital suffering from an illness don't have access to these types of luxuries. Their luxuries depend on the little things, when the things that are given to them are not only their needs but their wants. If we have more why don't we appreciate what we have, we are lucky aren't we then why, WHY do most of us don't acknowledge it? Are we afraid to notice that we may lose it or what is it? You tell me. Sunday morning, rain was falling, and me scrolling through Netflix bored, not knowing what to watch, because unfortunately I finished Prison Break, the series I was watching. And I noticed a Ted Talks season, and I thought to myself why not educate myself a bit, but still watch Netflix. That is when I came across with the a speech talking about passions or interests. This made me question my decisions...
How many times have you heard significant people in your life say “ If you want a successful career you need to pursue your dreams and do what you are passionate about”, one time, two times or even ten times you don't seem to actually follow that advice, most people don´t including myself. You hear it and see it, yet you still choose not to do it. Maybe you are too lazy to find your passions or maybe it is just too hard. So then like me you make up a variety of excuses whether or not you make them consciously… You think oh but those people with great careers are just lucky, so you decide I will just wait to be lucky and if not I will just conform with a normal career. Then you come to the observation that those people who are successful and know to follow their career are different they are geniuses, and you are not geniuses. Yet you still want to have a great career, but you are not prepared to pursue that passion of yours, still making excuses. Thinking about what to do, the traditional lesson comes up remembering what school taught you, if i work really hard it will pay off and therefore you'll get a great career. Pushing yourself to it though evidence points the other way. But then, finally you arrive to the conclusion that you should search for it, taht same passion that drives people like Steve Jobs, the “lucky” or “geniuses”. Another problem comes up, open that haunts most of us. So what is your passion? Oh well, I am interested in this you say. Though not noticing that an interest is not the same as a passion. A quote from the talk made me realize this “Are you really going to go to your wife and say marry me! You're interesting!” You'll have thousands of interest though one of them will stand out, and that will be your passion. But… you will still choose not to follow that same advice. Be careful, for when you're an adult and have your family your kid perhaps will tell you “I want to be a firefighter!” and you will not tell him “Go ahead pursue your passion and be happy.” Because then he'll ask you if you did. Not having another choice but lie to him, because you did not pursue it. You were too afraid to follow it, you were afraid you may try and encounter failure. And you'll find yourself questioning why, why didn´t I do it? If only I would have risked it and tried. In Lima, Peru you can see poor people all around. As you drive your car through the gray pavement and look outside the window you see a woman that walks with difficulty because she can't pertain her weight anymore and you can barely hear her soft voice through the window asking for money. And sometimes society can be oblivious, because as the woman walks away, you tell to yourself, why doesn´t just this woman get a job, it´s easy for her to just ask for money, but we have to work hard to sustain ourselves. But though have you though that most of the people in the streets wanted to get a job but weren´t qualified, perhaps because they didn't have the appropriate education when they were younger, or because they didn't have a exemplary role model. When this happens I call it the “cycle of education and poverty”. As I read through the topics that my peers had chosen for the “deep dive” project, I noticed a peculiar pattern. While analyzing the causes and effects of each topic and while listening to all the pitches that my classmates presented, I realized that every single problem went back to education. Education is vital to the life of all human beings, not only because you gain knowledge but also because it helps you to survive. When you take a look to all the issues Lima faces there is a common factor in the cause again education. Politics is a huge problem here, most of politicians tend to be corrupted or don´t know how to manage the country, in this case either they weren't taught the right morals or the right way to manage things. Then you analyze a problem such as teenage pregnancy, here again the predator could have had a abusive role model and the victim didn't know how to defend herself or that she shouldn´t be sexually active at such young age. And as I reach the end of the list of issues in Lima I conclude that this is a never ending process. A person in a low level class is born with the right amount resources to live. Her family puts him in a school, where there is a low quality of infrastructure and a low level education, which most schools in Lima have. When she gets out of school she can´t find a good job due to the insufficient knowledge gained in school, or because the school didn't allow her to be there because she was about to become a mother because she didn't learn that being sexually active could be dangerous at that age. When she can´find any job she conforms herself with any open position maybe a teacher position, which she later can´t handle and doesn´t teach the necessary attributes and information and the kids in her classroom become just like her. Perhaps she settle for begging money on the streets or selling candy in the streets, perhaps she is the same woman that you just denied to gave money to just because she didn't have the right education she couldn´t get out of the cycle and stayed poor. Next time someone asks for your support in the street think about this. Life can sometimes feel like you are on a treadmill, and you can´t stop.
It was the last week before vacations and I was making a meticulous list of all the assignments to had to complete. As I sorted out my classes in my head, grades popped in. What if I didn't get the grades that I wanted to get a 6 or 7 in all my classes. I NEEDED to get good grades to get to the college I wanted, a college that would look fitting to a successful job. That way I could be triumphant, because I wouldn't need anything and I could have my own family. That same week I stayed up late until I couldn't hold my eyes open for more than five seconds all because I was perfectioning projects. Being on the “treadmill” is just like that… Your head can´t stop thinking and you keep studying. Your heart doesn't stop beating and you keep running. You keep studying and competing just to get the best grades. You keep running and competing to win the race. You're waiting to reach success and finally get the life you wanted. You're waiting for the next mile and finally finish the race the way you wanted. Are you in this “treadmill” because you want to reach success OR because you won´t be fulfilled and actually be genuinely happy? Most people would start to question their motives after reading this. The problem is that you are always striving for the “next mile” which is never going to end or once you reach it there is one more mile to go. Just like school, you study to get high grades, but really don't learn anything because you study it for your test ➔ to get to a good university ➔ to get a superior job ➔ to have a maintained family. You never stop working until you are about 60 years and perhaps you retire, but the treadmill is an addiction, and it turned into a routine. You keep running but your heart and feet can't keep up and well, you die, but you weren't actually happy, because you were waiting to reach your goal or happiness but there was always one more mile to go. Stop running away from problems and pressures that are CHASING YOU because you are in a stationary position and won't be able to get away from them. But get off the “treadmill” and start running by yourself to CHASE YOUR GOAL and do something you're passionate about at the same time because then you are not fulfilled until you reach your target. Being on a treadmill doesn't mean that you are constantly working, it means that you are doing something that you dislike just to get the favorable outcome or what other people expected of you. If it's your passion you are constantly working on, it's okay because you would be doing something that makes you be happy not for a short period of time but actually being happy not feeling happy. |
Cristina BarclayCurrent eleventh grader at Colegio Franklin Delano Roosevelt, taking the IB diploma program. Archives
May 2016
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